Hey Rudy,
That is an earry thought (that picture). Interesting.... I know that if you could do it all over again, you may do many things different. If you could have spent more time with Jay knowing that he would not be around in his 20's... you would have. You didn't know. It is said in the Bible that "there is no condemnation in Christ" therefore, my opinion is that you should not condemn yourself while you are greiving. Keep remembering what Jay would ask you to do while he is not here... I bet he knows you really miss him, but he wants you to live fully until you both are reunited. Keep your chin up.
dparker: I am sorry to hear about your son!! I lost a good friend that way... painful stuff. I am a father of two kids (they are young) & I often think of what I can do so they don't make the same mistakes I have made, or worse. Fact is, they are going to do what they do. It is the risk of being a parent I guess. We all seem to have some commonalities here on this forum... we all have a few skeletons, hardships, etc... but it is amazing how many here seem to believe in God. Anyways, you & Rudy are going through a parents worst nightmare. All I can say is that you are both great guys & even though I am younger than both of you & not seen what you have, I am very happy to see that you both have God in your families.
God Bless you both & keep praying... hopefully w/ the friendship here we all can help you pass some time & help each other survive this cold world we live in. Scooter