Old 10-04-2009, 03:42 PM
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Rabbit....I found him on the forum
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Old 10-05-2009, 03:32 AM
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Default Circle Flies

A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying
to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is
from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a
southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing
around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them
circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called,
but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're
called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the
back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he
stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of
this country to call their President a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool
them flies, though."
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Old 10-05-2009, 03:35 AM
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Old 10-05-2009, 03:20 PM
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I wish I had a funny joke, but I am not good at them. I think it is the ADD w/ the "H' (can't focus).... anyways, good stuff folks.

wait....what were we talking about???
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Old 10-05-2009, 04:52 PM
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X2, Scoot ! I can't play a lick of music or remember a single joke, But I can dance like crazy and laugh even crazier !!
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Old 10-05-2009, 05:12 PM
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Jokes. I've got hundreds of 'em. You think you can do a burn out?? I promise you you aint got nothing on Abdulla!! I laugh so hard it hurts every time I watch this!


Here's another joke.

Three women: one engaged, one mistress, and one married, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes...After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long."

The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night."
The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:25 AM
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FWD racing.
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:26 AM
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An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace.
'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

(You've gotta love this ..)

'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:26 AM
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I thought about the sixty million dollar a year business I ran with 1800
employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos,
pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their
spouse, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in
the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter
with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program
within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to
live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost
every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that
in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am
supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at
Barnes and Nobles talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards
was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and
got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside
was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every
10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think
that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She
would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next
light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy,
the GSP lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless
phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t
figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around
digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry
baskets when the phone ring.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every
time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on
something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check
out just knocks me for a loop.

I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but
never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just
say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it‘s their turn to
stare at me with a blank look.
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Old 10-06-2009, 06:41 AM
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